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Live Your True Nature

自分の自然を生きる

  • Home
  • English
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    • Testimonials
    • Writing
  • 日本語
    • メニュー
    • プロフィール
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    • ブログ
  • Art
    • Indigo 愛染め
    • Performance Photo archive パフォーマンス写真記録
    • Performance Video archive & Writing
    • Drawing
    • ATM Lessons 気づきのレッスン
  • Link
    • Instagram
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冬越しってこんなに大変だったん?!!

View fullsize プロパンストーブ。広い部屋にひとつだけ。
View fullsize 天井が山小屋のように高い。
View fullsize その梁の上に扇風機を取り付けて熱気を回す。
View fullsize ちょっとわかりにくいけど、水滴が落ちてきたところにタオルを置いている。実際の部屋の広さは、この4倍ぐらい。

アーミッシュおじさんのところに越してきて、6ヶ月目、いよいよハードルが超高い冬越しが始まる。なぜ「超高い」のかというと、今までもハードルは高かったが、それにも増して高いという意味だ。今まではといえば、例えばこういう感じ。

入居してすぐに雨漏り(5ヶ月間治らなかった)、騒音、キッチンシンクの水道の水の温度や量の調整ができない、両手でお皿を洗えない、シンクから出るパイプがとても細いダメ、詰まりやすい、トイレは水がもったいないので頻繁に流さないでと言われるし、シャワーの熱いお湯は出る量が限られているため、ポータブルなお風呂を用意しても水がたまらない(よって、お風呂なし)、ガスレンジはキャンプで使うようなミニコンロにミニプロパンをつけた状態でクッキング(よって、手の込んだ料理は無理)、冷蔵庫は小さいのを貸してくれたが、結局もう少し大きいのを自分で買う羽目に(普通アメリカの家具付きアパートを借りた場合、キッチンの大きな電化製品は全部付いている)、下でおじさんが頻繁にする洗濯のかなりきつい化学薬品入りの洗剤の匂いが上の私のスタジオに満喫(私が化学薬品なしの船内をホームメード)、スタジオは一面がガラス張りで近所の家がすぐそこなので、カーテンを作って吊るしていたら(ちなみにスタジオで吊るしたカーテンは全部で20枚ほど。それほどここのおじさんは、オープンなガラス張りが大好き)、「太陽が入って来ないから暖かくないよ。田舎は都会と違って、近所の人が人の家を覗き込むことはないよ!」と厳しく諭され、しかもそのうちの一つは三角で、「三角の窓がなかなか見つからないんだよねー」と、その部分だけ開けっぱなし(鳥や蜂やハエがじゃんじゃん自由に出入り。閉めてというと、本当に鳥が入って来なくていいのかと聞かれた!)、荒ゴミは近所のおじさんの友達の飼っている豚に持っていったりよその畑の堆肥の中に入れたりと策を考えた苦難の挙句、庭に穴を掘って入れるもプロセスせずにすぐ一杯になり、「野菜、植えてもいいよ」と言われるもこのおじさん、実は自分で野菜を育てる人ではなく、前にお世話になっていたホームステダー(自給自足生活を営んでいる人)のところから持ってきた苗や植物は枯れてしまい、。。。などなど。おじさんの「住んでもいいよ、スペース貸してあげるよ。」の意味がこういうことだったとは!何度も、「もう無理!家賃払ってるのに水も使えないしお風呂にも入れない、料理も満足にできない!」と思ったが、そのうちに、あーそうなんだ、彼の「住むところを提供する」コンセプトは、私の知っている環境での「アパートを貸す」とはだいぶん違うんだなとわかってきた。「アパートを貸す」のではなく、「住むところを今から徐々に作るから、住めるようになったら家賃を払って。」なので、「住めるように」は完璧に住む環境が整っているというわけではない。いわゆる「骨組み」だけだ。時間をかけてじっくり完成させていくその途上のスペースに住まわせてもらっているというわけだ。なるほどね!とほんの少し納得。それにしても、これで家賃7万は高くない?

そして、冬はまた全く別問題だ。

ペンシルバニアのこのあたりは冬が非常に厳しいため、(日本で言うと北海道でまだ雪も降っていない頃から雪が降り、11月から氷点下、最後の霜は大体5月の終わり)冬だけ暖かいところに住む人が少なくない。フロリダやアリゾナなど、暖かい場所にもう一つ住居を持っていて、そこに住むと言うのが普通のようだ。ここのアーミッシュおじさんも冬は決まってコスタリカやニカラグアの別荘に住んでいる。でも、私にはそういう家も予算もないので、ここペンシルバニアにいるしかない。そういうわけで、アーミッシュおじさん、今までずっと夏仕様で使ってきた自分の家の一つ(いくつも持っている)を冬仕様に準備してくれたのだ。断熱材を入れて、毛布やクッションで穴をカバーして、空気が入ってくる隙間を防ぎ、あとはプロパンを二階に引いて、ストーブと繋げると言う作業。私の借りているスタジオと寝室は続いていて、どちらにもプロパンストーブを入れてくれた。

と、ここまでは良かったのだが、ある日、屋根から水滴が。。。しかも一箇所ではなく、雨も降っていないのに多数の箇所に水滴が落ちてくるのだ。また雨漏り?でも雨降ってないのにねー。。。と思う思わぬうちにピタパタと水滴は落ちてくる。慌てておじさんを呼ぶと、彼は扇風機を持って現れた。「これ、どうしてかわかる?屋根じゃないよ。」とニンマリ笑うおじさん。スタジオのストーブを夜消してしまうと、部屋が寒くなる、次の日にストーブをつけると、部屋が暖まり、冷たい空気が水になって落ちてくる、屋根に断熱材が入ってないからと説明してくれた。えー!と言うことは、夜中ストーブをつけていないといけないと言うこと?!!!ここいらでは、ストーブの使用量によっては、月に暖房費が5、6万かかることも珍しくない。その費用を節約するために、私はスタジオの暖房をできるだけ切るようにしていた。夜は特に、誰も使ってないし。それが、このピタパタ落ちてくる水滴を作り出していると言うのだ。あれ?でもおじさん確か、暖房費節約したかったら、寝室だけつけとけば良いよって言ってなかったっけ?じゃあどうすればいいんですか?「これがペンシルベニアの性(さが)でねえー。あんたも悪いことは言わないから、冬にコスタリカやニカラグアにきた方がいいよ。もう家賃払ってるからタダで家に住んで良いよ。暖房費払うぐらいだったら、南米に悠に2−3か月住めるよ。」とおじさん。見ていると、扇風機で暖かい空気を上から下に回してみようと、早速ハシゴを持ち出してきて、扇風機を設置。1時間後、だいぶん部屋が温まってきた。でも、この扇風機、音がうるさいんですけど。。これ、どのぐらいつけとけば良いの?予期せぬときに、水がピタパタ落ちてくるのも困るけど、扇風機付けっ放しも困るよ。お客さんも来るんだし。さあ、これ、どうやって解決するのでしょうか?

tags: life, Life
categories: Life, life, thoughts, Place
Monday 11.21.22
Posted by Naoko Maeshiba
 

My child inside

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I've been on a journey to reunite with my child inside me. For a long time she has been hiding from me, with her back against me. I enter into myself carefully, with a calm mind and body, leaving the whole 'thinking' behind. My left brain calms down and my right brain starts being fully activated. My body slowly starts remembering what is was like to really feel. All of a sudden, my feet sink into the earth. with each step, many different parts of my feet scream. The trees start revealing their texture and their true personalities. Without touching, I can feel what it's like to touch them. Sensation takes over me. I FEEL them. Vivid colors start entering into my eyes without my trying to look at them. I'm EXPERIENCING the color. I start seeing patterns. Everything I become contact with becomes more and more vivid. Vital energy. I dive into myself. I knock the door and call her. I extend my hand towards her and slowly start pulling my little girl out of the dark small hideout. I can almost feel it. That aliveness. That vital energy which used to make me feel that anything was possible. Continuous flow of curiosity. Inner, deeply satisfying excitement. I'm gradually reuniting with her. My girl is smiling at me. Invincible.

tags: life, Life
categories: life, Body, thoughts
Sunday 02.08.15
Posted by karakoro
 

Dance, dance, what is dance, why dance?

It is the New Year, 2014. How's my body and mind doing in the new year? Have I explored everything I had wanted to during the last year? Am I ready to embark on a new journey? I think so. In order to revisit my thoughts and ideas from previous years and to renew my hope and wish for this coming year, I decided to expose my work in a particular setup. A dance festival happening in the nation's capital, Washington, D.C.  This festival called "Modern Moves" is featuring twelve contemporary dance companies in D.C. The selection was done via invitation of Dance Place, a venue which has been presenting dance in DC since 1980. To be completely honest, I was a little surprised to receive this honor. As the readers of this blog might know, my work is experimental, bordering on dance, theatre, and visual art. I'm  not what people consider as a legitimate dancer (if such a thing exists, I know). I'm also not a part of the dance community. My work is not technique-based, beautiful, athletic, vibrant, nor sexy.

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IMG_9807

My dance stands on fragility, imperfection, subtlety and sensuality. It is the exploration of the body within the frame of some form or content. It is not the exploration of a theme or a subject matter using the body as a tool. Participating in this concert gave me an opportunity to reflect upon my thoughts on dance and clarify what dance means to me.

Dance is ultimately very personal. It is the living body's business. What is inside, fluctuating mind, rhythm of breath, speed of the soul, all of these create pre-movement that eventually manifest in movements externally. What I'm sharing with the audience is what is happening inside of me through the moment-to-moment encounter with the external environment. I am exposing what is happening in the deepest part of myself to the audience, in a universal form, with the hope that perhaps there is something like this inside of them as well. Perhaps we share something in common. Do we call this resonance? If so, all the companies performed today were aspiring for that. What is the difference? I keep pursuing the question. What do I think is important in dance?

My dance doesn't have a reason. It doesn't mean anything. It is not about anything. It's not about war, violence, love, politics, and relationships. It IS love, politics, war, violence, and relationships.

IMG_9773

IMG_9773

I am dancing Naoko and my perception of the world, how I see and feel the world, seeps through the movements. I am dancing Naoko. I am, I would like to be, dancing space and time. Existing space and time and imagined space and time. Dance for me is a strong yearning for connection. Connection with the immediate and distant environment. Channeling what is not tangibly existing in the immediate time and space, and at the same time existing in the immediate dimension. By doing so, swirling the audience into a larger cycle of the universe altogether. Dance is also a pilgrimage. A pilgrimage into my own self. Deeper, deeper, going down into the deepest part of self. What kind of 'I' is there? Dance is also ultimately somebody else's business. Through the encounter with my dance, different individuals  might be imagining and experiencing something completely different from each other. And that's completely ok.

IMG_9843

IMG_9843

After today's performance, two men came up to me on the street and commented on my dance. Two things they said - "It was so intense." "It's such control of the body to move so slowly." I'm actually not controlling. I'm being controlled. I'm rushing home to work further, train more, more time with my body, mind, spirit, and soul. Yes, this is the New Year's wish. Definitely.

Photo credit: Paul Emmerson

(Preview - http://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/theater_dance/modern-moves-festival-to-feature-dc-areas-most-established-dance-troupes/2013/12/26/3e15d342-6b96-11e3-a5d0-6f31cd74f760_story.html)

tags: Performance
categories: Performance, thoughts
Saturday 01.04.14
Posted by karakoro
Comments: 1
 

ライフイントーキョー#10 素になる

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神戸に帰省していたせいで、一週間稽古をしなかった。帰ってきて、さすがになまってるなと自分でも感じた。ところが、復帰して2、3日後に少し変化が見られた。少し楽になったのだ。鼓の音が出るようになった。笛は未だに苦しいけれど、頭で考えていない時は比較的楽に吹ける。謡の声が動かせるようになってきた。これはどうしたことだろう? やっとだんだん「力が抜けて」きたのかもしれない。

私にとって、能の一番のパラドックスは「やろうとしない」ことの美徳である。一生懸命そのものを把握して完成させるというよりも、「形をかりて、心でみて、体で感じて」そこに素のまま或ること。もちろん、全てを尽くして準備する事は大事ですが、うまくやろうとすればするほど、能は私から逃げていってしまうのです。脳をフルに活用しながら、ある時点を過ぎると脳を一切使わないモードに切り替える。これはものすごい訓練だと今更ながらに感心する次第です。でも考えてみれば、これは全てのパフォーマンスの基本ですね。

何でも、キンキンになって一生懸命にやろうとする私は、つい最近になってから、「力を抜く」ことを練習し始めています。これはいろんな人からいろんな状況で指摘されていることで、今まで「がんばる」ことの美徳を信じさせられて生きてきた私にとってはとても難しい課題であります。でも、最近はだんだん、「がんばる」ことは自己満足にすぎないのかなと思うようになりました。だからがんばってやったパフォーマンス、自己が満足している時は観客は感動が薄いのでしょう。努力を怠らず、しかし結果を期待せずに一足一音を疎かにせず、力を抜くことを続けていきたいと思います。

tags: jother
categories: Life in Tokyo, Performance, thoughts
Tuesday 11.15.11
Posted by karakoro
 

ライフイントーキョー #6 カラス

それにしてもカラスが多い。東京に来た第一日目の日に気づいたことだ。鳴く声が独特で、黒い翼を木の葉の影に沈めて、目を光らせている。どうしてカラス?神戸の家のあたりには夕方にはコウモリが飛び交っていたが、カラスは見られなかった。2、3日して訳がわかった。ゴミだ。 東京のゴミ状況はかなりシビアである。毎日毎日、分別で分けられた違う種類のゴミを、朝の8時までに出さなければならない。一週間は、ゴミを出すことによって始まり、ゴミを出すことによって終わる。カラスはそれを狙っているというわけだ。

IMG_4183

IMG_4183

神戸でも分別はあったが、ここまでシビアではなかった。アメリカ、メリーランド州ボルチモアの家では、とりあえずリサイクル(2つぐらいに分かれる)は週に2回、生ゴミその他は週に2回と決まっている。裏の庭の入り口にあるゴミ缶に入れ、しっかりふたをしておけば、次の日の朝とりに来てくれる。ゴミ缶に入れるので、前の日の夜に入れておくことも可能である。

東京は場所がなく、家と家の間が詰まっているので、一カ所に出しに行かなければならない。前の晩には出せない。もちろん分別しないより、する方がいいに決まっているが、なんとなくしょっちゅうゴミの事を考えていることになる。

マクロバイオティックな食生活に切り替えた友達が生ゴミの量は増えたが、他のゴミの量はぐんと減ったと言っていた。生ゴミならコンポストで土に埋められる。

tags: jother
categories: Life in Tokyo, thoughts
Wednesday 10.12.11
Posted by karakoro
 

本当のこと

IMG_0498

IMG_0498

本当のことに気づく為にはたくさんの勉強が必要だ。強靭な洞察力。そして最後には自分で判断しなければならない。その自分とは何か、そこから始まるのだ。どこまで遡ればいいのか。自分と世界が本当に見えるようになるには。空っぽだと思っていたのは錯覚ではなかった。全く空っぽだったのだ。自分がそこに居ない時、幻想とランデブーするのは易しい。ああ、こういう事にずっと昔に気づいていれば無駄な時間を過ごさずにすんだだろうに。大事なことはいつも見逃す近くにところにあったのだ。いや、まだ遅くはない。遠く、深く、広く、ある時は緻密に又ある時は緩く、一瞬一瞬が最大限の可能性を持つような生き方が出来れば、表現するものも本当に少しは近づくのかもしれない。 In order to grasp the real truth, one has to have resilient and piercing insights. In the end, it is only one person who can make the final decisions - self. What is self? This is the beginning of everything. Research. How far should I go back? To high school? To kindergarten? Or back to the womb? Or even before? How can I see the relationship between myself and the world? The vast hollowness was quietly screaming  inside. When one is not really there, it is easy to rendez-vous with illusions.  The most important thing was always in the nearest place to me only to be overlooked. Perhaps it's not too late. As far as possible, as deep as possible, as vast as possible, sometimes meticulously and precisely, and other times loosely and gradually, if I can live in the way every moment is open to maximum potential, then and only then what I express might approach a bit closer to what is real.

tags: Life, Philosophy, jother
categories: Life, thoughts
Monday 07.18.11
Posted by karakoro
 

本当のこと

本当のことに気づく為にはたくさんの勉強が必要だ。強靭な洞察力。そして最後には自分で判断しなければならない。その自分とは何か、そこから始まるのだ。どこまで遡ればいいのか。自分と世界が本当に見えるようになるには。空っぽだと思っていたのは錯覚ではなかった。全く空っぽだったのだ。自分がそこに居ない時、幻想とランデブーするのは易しい。ああ、こういう事にずっと昔に気づいていれば無駄な時間を過ごさずにすんだだろうに。大事なことはいつも見逃す近くにところにあったのだ。いや、まだ遅くはない。遠く、深く、広く、ある時は緻密に又ある時は緩く、一瞬一瞬が最大限の可能性を持つような生き方が出来れば、表現するものも本当に少しは近づくのかもしれない。 In order to grasp the real truth, one has to have resilient and piercing insights. In the end, it is only one person who can make the final decisions - self. What is self? This is the beginning of everything. Research. How far should I go back? To high school? To kindergarten? Or back to the womb? Or even before? How can I see the relationship between myself and the world? The vast hollowness was quietly screaming  inside. When one is not really there, it is easy to rendez-vous with illusions.  The most important thing was always in the nearest place to me only to be overlooked. Perhaps it's not too late. As far as possible, as deep as possible, as vast as possible, sometimes meticulously and precisely, and other times loosely and gradually, if I can live in the way every moment is open to maximum potential, then and only then what I express might approach a bit closer to what is real.

categories: life, thoughts
Monday 07.18.11
Posted by karakoro
 

A thought on 'fragility'

I've always been attracted to 'fragility'. So Seigo Matsuoka's book, "Fragile: A departure from weakness" was an eye-opener. He asks a question, "Why is weakness deeper than strength? Why are we drawn to fragile, ephemeral things?" He cuts into the world of 'fragility' from different angles  such as history, anthropology, biology, philosophy, and literature. He says, "This marginal sensation, fragility, is always radical. Weakness is not lack of strength. It holds its own characteristics called 'weakness'. It is a sensational and pianissimo phenomenon. It feels like a mere fragment torn from the whole, but its transparent intricate power sometimes resists and threatens the system. As I pursue the source of this mysterious inexplicable strange phenomenon, gradually a word filled with certain sensation emerged in my mind. It is this ambiguous concept called 'fragile' or 'fragility'." I can't wait to discover the depth of fragility that has been an enigma for me.

categories: thoughts
Wednesday 03.30.11
Posted by karakoro
 

Modernity stripped bare (3)

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My injured leg is making me even more immobile than before. But is it really so? Protecting the injured leg, the rest of the body starts creating obscure movements. Strange balance, slow rhythm. Using a cane makes me feel like a mysterious character appearing in a fairy tale. This might be a super laid-back perspective for such an inconvenient situation I'm in right now. But once you accept the situation, you can actually experience a kind of peace. You start making new discoveries. People you meet with this new body don't know if the situation is permanent or not. So naturally, their reactions vary. Experiencing them, I realize that I'm standing on the other side. It's making me appreciate what I've been taking for granted such as people's kindness, my car, the luxury of going into the yard and touching the earth, morning light, and even listening to music. Perhaps injury and pain happen for an unknown reason that our beings are secretly in need of. My next question is, what kind of dance comes out of this body? 怪我をした足のおかげで以前にも増して動かない体になっている。が、果たしてそうなのだろうか?使えない足をかばって、体の他の部分はいびつな動きをし始める。おかしなバランス、スローなリズム。杖まで使っていると、なんだか変なキャラクターになった気分だ。とても不便な状況なのに、のんきなものだと思うが、一旦あきらめてしまうと、思いがけなく余裕が出てくるから不思議である。こうなって、いろんな発見がある。出会う人達は私がずっとこうなのかどうなのか知らない訳だから、反応は様々で、それを経験すると、普段立った事のない側に立たされている事に気づく。今まで、当たり前と思っていた事が新鮮に思えてくる。人の親切が身にしみたり、車の有り難さに感謝したり、庭に出て土を触れることがとても贅沢なことに思えたりするし、朝の光がいつもよりまぶしく思えたり、音楽を聞くのがとても楽しみになったりする。怪我や痛みは私達の理解を超えた、でもひそかに求めている為に起こるのかもしれない。どういう踊りがここから生まれてくるのだろう?

tags: Japanese, Performance
categories: Performance, thoughts
Wednesday 03.30.11
Posted by karakoro
 

Modernity stripped bare (2)

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アンサンブルでやる稽古も好きだが、一人でスタジォで過ごす時間は密である。動かない体に面しながら、新しい動きを発見して、病後の回復期のような気持ちになる。どこに私が居るのか。気合いを入れていかないと。。。 As much as I like ensemble rehearsals, I cannot appreciate enough of my time alone in the studio. Facing the body that doesn't feel like my body, I start discovering new impulses within as if I were on my way to a full recovery from an illness. Where am I now? Where am I in my body? Where am I in my mind?

tags: Performance, Japanese
categories: Performance, thoughts
Saturday 03.26.11
Posted by karakoro
 

Dance and Language (1)

I saw two performances which involved spoken language. The first one was by Gail Langstroth, a poet, eurythmist and stage artist (http://www.wordmoves.com/en/). She and Fred Johnson, a drummer/singer presented an evening of spoken/sung poetry with movements. The poems included both hers and other people's and she seemed to have danced these poems before. Her dance was clearly connected with spirituality coming from the poetry. It had a strong presentational quality which I'm not so used to and also somewhat congregational (?). The performers at times seemed to be calling for spirits through their movements, voice, and music and connecting with those who gathered. The second one was an event planned by two local Baltimore dancers. They read the words of a butoh dancer, Kazuo Ohno has uttered during his workshops in Yokohama. The floor was open for anyone who was inspired to dance. Given that Kazuo Ohno is a legendary dancer whose soul-filled performance kept captivating the audience until he died at the age of 103, I was expecting some kind of a spiritual connection between dancer and the words, the viewer and the event. However, despite the amount of dancing that was happening, the spiritual resonance seemed not to be there. The connection between the words and the dance was not apparent and neither was the relationship between the doer and the viewer. Compared to the first event, this one felt very personal and individualistic. And most importantly, Kazuo Ohno seemed not to be there.

In both of these events, dance was a way to enter into the person/the content through the words read or spoken.

categories: Performance, thoughts
Saturday 10.09.10
Posted by karakoro
 

Shining faces

The bamboo dish drainer I had been fond of for quite some time finally gave in and had to retire. Having been not so happy with the fact that the tray for the dish drainer tends to stain the counter, I decided to take advantage of this situation and see what it's like to dry dishes without a drainer. First I placed them on a dry towel on a kitchen counter since I saw my German friends do that in Berlin. This method worked for a day or so, but I realized that the odor of wet towel reverted and permeated the dishes. No more towel method. So if down is no good, what about up? I simply placed the dishes with their open sides up on the counter and hoped that they would be dry. No more odor. However, the dishes didn't dry in one day. It usually took about two to three days for an any given dish to be dry. Wow, I thought, this is a very primitive way of drying dishes. The ultimate method of natural dryer. My appreciation for a dry dish increased triple since it meant that I can put it away or use it. I've also started minimizing the number of dishes I use every day. Having been inspired by the solid blue dish drainers which dried countless dishes day after day at CESTA, I finally purchased a simple small dish drainer with a tray. About twenty minutes after I piled up the wet dishes, they were completely dry showing their beautiful shining faces without a drop of tears.

What an incredible invention.

tags: Life
categories: Life, thoughts
Sunday 09.19.10
Posted by karakoro
Comments: 2
 

faceless behind the register

I was shopping at a health food store the other day and a friend of mine happened to have been standing on the same line at the cash register. We both heard our casher make a request to go to the bathroom to another employee who passed by her. The line behind us was long. After he said ok, about 5-10 minutes passed and there was no sign that she could go.  My friend started asking her questions. "Can you not go to the bathroom?" "I've been asking for some time, but haven't been able to yet." "Why?" She kept punching in codes and numbers. Still no sign of a person, a savior to let her go to the bathroom. When we went outside of the store, we saw another employee who seemed more authoritative and asked him why she could not go to the bathroom. His answer was blunt. "We cannot make our customers wait." My friend didn't budge."If I have to wait that long, I would pee in my pants." "I understand your concern, but she is fine. Someone is going to come to take her place." "I'm just saying that she was waiting for a long time - noone came. You should let her go." "I appreciate your concern, but I have to disagree. We do let people go to the bathroom. She just has to wait so that we can serve the customers."  He was clearly abiding by the cooperation rule, not the humanity rule. We left him, feeling unresolved. To save her from trouble, my friend had to make sure to let him know that she didn't come to us for rescue but we asked her about this situation. This incident reminded me of the film, "Food", in which how capitalism that we thrive on is harming us in the end. But that was about big cooperations.  This is a health food store, which is supposed to be advocating the holistic view on life and respect for humanity. I imagined. What if she goes to the bathroom and we wait? If she had gone to the bathroom with the agreement of all the customers at her register, what would have happened? She, who was faceless up to this point, would have become a memorable person. We would have had an opportunity to talk to her as a person. A connection would have  been born between us  and her, and possibly amongst us. What if, there is a ridiculous rule that every time a casher goes to the bathroom, someone on her line has to sing a song instead of complaining?  To celebrate being a human? To thank her for reminding us that she is not a machine and neither are we? To thank the store for making the waiting process unique and enjoyable?

categories: Life, thoughts
Tuesday 08.24.10
Posted by karakoro
 

perspectives

There are three ways to get to my workplace from my house: car, bicycle, and on foot. I try to alternate these three means to change the perspective. It is quite amazing how each means not only changes your physical relationship with the environment but also the psychological one as well. The bourgeoisie of the car makes a marked contrast with the workman's vehicle, the bicycle. This  simple device operated by man power gives you a feel of a vehicle, but in a sense, is the most restrictive of all three. On foot, the most vulnerable of all three, gives you the richest journey with most freedom. When you walk, you intimate the ground with every step. You engage with the environment through your whole body. You feel the weight of life you put on your self on the shoulders - what you put in the bag, what the thought process in doing so,  why you put so much in it (affect the energy consumption), etc. As you continue to walk, you develop and go through the whole process of 'lightening and grounding'. I can't wait to try this experiment on other pathways.

categories: Life, thoughts
Tuesday 08.17.10
Posted by karakoro
Comments: 2
 

perspectives

There are three ways to get to my workplace from my house: car, bicycle, and on foot. I try to alternate these three means to change the perspective. It is quite amazing how each means not only changes your physical relationship with the environment but also the psychological one as well. The bourgeoisie of the car makes a marked contrast with the workman's vehicle, the bicycle. This  simple device operated by man power gives you a feel of a vehicle, but in a sense, is the most restrictive of all three. On foot, the most vulnerable of all three, gives you the richest journey with most freedom. When you walk, you intimate the ground with every step. You engage with the environment through your whole body. You feel the weight of life you put on your self on the shoulders - what you put in the bag, what the thought process in doing so,  why you put so much in it (affect the energy consumption), etc. As you continue to walk, you develop and go through the whole process of 'lightening and grounding'. I can't wait to try this experiment on other pathways.

categories: life, thoughts
Tuesday 08.17.10
Posted by karakoro
Comments: 2
 

weight of form

I just got back from a week of rehearsals and performances of an English Noh Play, "Crazy Jane". Along with the play, two short dance pieces were presented each night and I was given one piece to dance on Friday night. It has been five years since I participated in an intensive training of Noh, so naturally, I felt rusty and under-prepared, which I had expected. What I didn't expect was the revelations I had while I practiced the dance being in half-panic state.

The most potent moment visited me when I was rehearsing by myself in the studio a day before the performance. At that point, I had the sequence memorized and had a pretty good idea of how the song matched the dance. (In Noh dance, movements and singing are in a close relationship to each other. If you don't know the song well, you can't dance well.) I wanted to reach the place where I can actually feel and dance the dance.

As I worked on my dance in an empty quiet space, my body started remembering the power that resided in every aspect of noh. Because I was re-learning the form, so to speak, this time I was starting to understand more about the reasons for various details - why jo-ha-kyu, why small steps, what happens when you restrain, why arms move in certain sequences and why all these things are important to make the dance work. I also began to realize when all elements are executed, strong energy starts circulating through one's body and connecting with the energy of the universe. Through extreme minimalism, this energy becomes distilled to the purest primal state and gets transmitted to the audience. As I kept dancing, I began to feel this energy inside my body, moving it to the next step, and the next step. The air around me started shifting and I started being in contact with the invisibles. (perhaps this is the reason why contact between the performers is minimal in noh?)

This resonates with what I have  been striving for in my own work - maximum evocation with minimal stimuli. The work transcends what a performer does or who he is  (visibles) and rises into a large encompassing universe. But to achieve this, you need to perfect the form with precision. In a sense, it seems that the performer is 'borrowing' the form to reside in the spirit of the Noh character.

I  renewed my appreciation for the depth of this traditional art form and was glad to be able to 'feel' the form through the body rather than 'understand' it through the head.

tags: Life
categories: Performance, thoughts
Monday 08.16.10
Posted by karakoro
 

sound of no sound

Issui Minegishi is a ichigenkin (one-string instrument) player from Japan. I met her in NY through my director friend. She mentioned how challenging it is to manipulate the one string to create music. One of the things she is focusing on right now is to listen to the silence after the sound is gone. It seems already minimalistic given that it is only one string which is producing sound, but she wants people to listen to the sound after the sound is gone. This ultimate minimalist approach resonated with me. In Japanese,  'ma' (the space between) is honored in every aspect of life. In studying ookawa (Noh hip-drum) a little, I learned that vocal calls and rhythm are much more important than the actual sound you make. Rhythm of course means the 'sound' part and 'no sound' part. Vocal calls fill in the 'no sound' part. And this 'no sound' part goes with the arm movements. Extremely acute sense of listening is required to listen to this 'ma'. Some also say that 'ma' is where the spirits reside. It seems like the portal to the eternal world. When you honor this space more than the 'filled' space, the sound is much fuller and the 'no sound' gets awaken, creating the equisite  harmony.

tags: Life
categories: Life, Performance, thoughts
Friday 07.30.10
Posted by karakoro
Comments: 5
 

Beautiful garden

Recently, I saw Tarkovsky's "Sacrifice". As usual, I was drawn into this long movie with no effort. This movie, which was the last piece of work by him, is full of stories told by the characters. Not much happens through actions. One of the stories stood out for me. The protagnist starts talking about his sick mother who always sat by the window which looked down the garden. He tells his friend how much she enjoyed seeing the garden. Being a good son, he wanted to clearn it up for her birthday. While his mother was getting weaker and having to stay in her bed, he kept working on the garden, trimming the trees and mowing the grass. The garden was ready. Being extremely proud and excited, he sat by the window to look over the garden. With a painful look on his face, he confesses to his friend, " it was disgusting." Being changed through a man's hands, the garden has lost its wild nature.

tags: Life, Thought
categories: NM Review, thoughts
Sunday 07.25.10
Posted by karakoro
 

Terayama Shuji and Peter Handke

I've been thinking about the world of "Kaspar" by Peter Handke which I'll be directing in Spring 2011. It is a very challenging play with plenty of room to search, discover, play, and get lost. The reason why I chose this play was because of the language. I have been always curious about the relationship between language and body, but my stay on a farm in Hakushu in 2007 summer, I've been more and more thinking about it. How does the body gets formed and conditioned by the language? "Kaspar" seemed to be a perfect material to explore this question. And why am I thinking of Shuji Terayama? Both Terayama and Handke held the revolting spirits high. Terayama tried to reconceive the meaning of theatre. He tried to bring the outside into the inside and drag the inside to the outside. Handke wrote an anti-play, "Kaspar" which has a meticulous structure, but violates the preconceived notion of a play. I'm horrified and ecstatic about working on this material. I'm not sure if there would be such a thing to 'do a justice to a play'.  But there seems to be  only one thing to do - can I drag this play out of the book and break open a new world with a new perspective? In doing that, can I keep facing myself truly?

categories: thoughts
Wednesday 07.21.10
Posted by karakoro
Comments: 2
 

0.1 decibel

Recently, I had lunch with Yoko. K whom I met through my workshop held in June. She is a singer/electronic musician based in Washignton, DC. It is not everyday that I meet a Japanese person here in Baltimore, especially a female working artist. It is also not so often that you sit with someone and just talk for a long time. She kindly shared not only her own thoughts about "Paraffin" but also her friend's whom she brought with her on that day. I was thrilled to hear that she felt invisible tension and power that was inexplicable. I shared with her some of my 'kodawari' (almost anal obsession about the details) which seemed to have caused that tension. Yoko told me about her 'kodawari' when recording music - she uses 0.1 decibel mixing instead of 0.2 even if other people tell her that it doesn't make a difference. I completely understood why she wanted to do that. It's amazing how the degree of such care directly shows on stage even if it might be a meticulous choice which makes a miniscule difference. As a performer, so much of what one does off-stage gets revealed on stage- how you have been handling props, costumes, how you have been relating to the space, other performers, how you have been listening, seeing, sensing, how you have been living every moment of your life. Yoko also shared that her friend had thought that my stance was very strict and no-nonsense, but my compassion was deep. I was shocked that both Yoko and her friend had not only experienced what was happening on stage, but also perceived what kind of preparation had been done to make it happen - how we had been working. I felt blessed to have witnesses like Yoko and her friend who could share with me such constructive feedback that made me reflect upon what's important for me. Thank you, Yoko-san!

categories: Performance, thoughts
Tuesday 07.20.10
Posted by karakoro
 
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